Frustrations

I've been so frustrated with myself lately. This is supposed to be an exciting time for my family. Ryan getting a new job (hopefully), moving to a new town, and maybe even owning a house again. But lately all it seems that I have been doing is thinking negatively about myself and the things that are happening around me. I have this tendency to get defensive about any comment that is supposed to be helpful. I don't know why I do it... it doesn't even help the situation any (it usually makes it worse).

I usually get this way when things aren't on solid ground for me. And I guess with the "softness" of everything around me, I am getting antsy. I don't adjust to change well and don't like moving either. And it seems that both have to come inevitably soon. I guess it's because of all the moving my family has done over the past few years. It seems that we are at a place for 6+ months and then move again. I get friends and then have to leave them, find a great church and then have to leave it.

I try to control things around me and God lets me know that I am defiantly not. He trys to keep reminding me of this but I ignore him. It is so hard for me to not be in control of my life and the things that happen to me. But I know that I have to let God handle it because if I was in total control.... well I don't want to know what would happen if I was in control. I know that God lets us have choices and I don't always make the right ones... but I am so bad at asking for help.
**Help to know the right things to say to someone in need, how to control my emotions and not let anger take over, slow down and look at the situation, not let my daughter control my emotions, letting go of the past, being the best christian I can be.

I guess I have the hardest time with letting go of the past and letting things that happened to me in the past control my emotions and how I think of people and what they are saying. I know this is not a very christian thing to do, but I guess because I got hurt for such a long time and at the deepest part of my soul that it is the hardest thing to let go. I want to let go of it completely because I know I would feel so much better about myself and things around me, but I don't know how to completely let go. I've tried everything.. talking, writing, etc. but nothing has seemed to work. I also know that it is a slow progress and I am in a better spot than I was three years ago. But I want to be completely rid of everything. Ryan just keeps telling me to keep talking and praying about it and eventually it will go away. But being human, I am impatient.

Well I guess I have to take Ryans advice and keep praying about it and working on my imperfections. It is just good to know that I have friends to count on and talk to in times of need.