So, I know that I don't post that often. and the subjects usually aren't "debateable" or whatever.. but for those of you who are loyal.. THANKS!!
Anyways (after that brief tantrum)... Ryan has been out of town since Tuesday and I really hate it when he leaves. I don't sleep well, Jezzy always fusses, it's hard for me to work the way I want, and I have to go yell at me tenants late at night and leave Jez alone in the appartment.
I'm having a really tough strugle right now with my job and what God wants me to do right now with my life. I know that I'm supposed to be preparing for the mission field (which I totally feel inadequate for, but that's another story). But, I don't know what I need to be doing as far as a job so I can help support my family. Ryan doesn't work because he is going back to school in the fall and the VA is going to pay for it (which is a wondeful blessing). So, that means to make up the difference, one of us has to work. Well, the VA really doesn't want Ryan to get a job and I know how much Ryan struggles with school, so I feel like I need to contribute and plus I really want to work (or at least have something to occupy my time besides Jez). But, at this job that I'm doing currently I work and take care of Jez (well some of the time because usually Ryan is home and can take care of her) and the house and the cooking, cleaning, etc... It just all piles up on me and I feel like I'm going to cave in. Now, don't get me wrong, Ryan helps most of the time... but still.....
SO, I don't know if this means that I need to find someone to watch Jez when Ryan goes back to school (because I would hate for him to have to take her, although I know he could do it) or find a different job- but put her in child care. If I could find a job taking care of other peoples children, I would jump on it in a heart beat (as long as they didn't mind that I had my own child)... but it had to pay enough for healthcare, part of a house or apparment payment, cell phone, car insurance, gas, etc. So, I don't know.
I just need some major prayers of support right now.... or suggestions or anything at all..
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4 comments:
Praying...
That's definitely hard. You could see if you could have an in home daycare or something? Maybe even see if the apartment complex would help out with it since it could be an added service. Just an idea...
As for feeling inadequate for the mission field, who doesn't? It is such a huge blessing but I don't think anyone ever feels qualified - and we aren't - but that's why we can do it, because it's then we are forced to rely on God.
Love you! I hope everything else is going well. Oh, and Jezzy is getting so huge and more and more beautiful. :)
I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. That sucks.
I will start praying today for guidance from the Lord and that you may see clearly what He wants you to do.
You just continue to take one day at a time, loving that silly husband and beautiful daughter of yours.
Maybe we can get together with you guys soon. I was just thinking about you this morning while I was running errands. I'll try to call soon and see if we can do dinner.
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